The Letter I Never Had to Send: wearing my heart on my sleeve like its the new fashion

Dear C****;

Irresponsibly and subconsciencely knowing-the act that we were apart of, we are not ready to bring into the world. This child would be much more than a mouth to feed but someone I would feed knowledge, wisdom and understanding. This would be a life we would have to lead. I apologize for my partake but I’m not prepared mentally, nor financially; having a child shouldn’t have to bring out the man in me. Also, I want to raise this baby in a nuclear family-something neither you nor I ever had. I don’t want to endure the circumstance of having a baby mama, because weekend visits, school shopping, and periodic phone calls wouldn’t make me a father. Abortion is cruel, demeaning, and you know burying a child is something I never want to do. To live forever I could only do that through my seed. Fatherhood is something I look forward to, but only when I’m ready. From now on, as we agreed, I’m a use self-control as opposed to self control.

C**** I appreciate you and am grateful to have you in my life. Barring our child in you, I’ll never truly experience what you felt. That’s why I adore you, because you dealt with it like a strong black women that you are. Back and forth my feelings about the situation swayed about the situation. I know this love is suffice enough to endure the situation. It hurts, because we agreed to stop but less than two weeks we were back at it. Is this unprotected love or irresponsible lust? We endure because we know that this act is between two-sacred with someone you trust. We aren’t like others, in which they don’t trust each other enough-and believe that having a baby will make them stay together. We already have a date. Ever since you’ve came into my world, you’ve done nothing but love me, been honest, and you’ve better it and myself. But with this we are discussing more than a relationship-we talking spending the rest of life; I don’t want to refer to you as my child’s mother /my girlfriend- but rather be my wife. I couldn’t think of anyone else that I could ever love more than you, that I could trust more than you, and that I would want to mother my child; but I want our parenthood to come from planning. It’s so much in our lives that are undone, plus we have to first see eye-to-eye about how to raise a family before we can become one. If you decide to have the child I will be right there regardless, hand-in-hand proud-parents-to-be with you. But I want to be a family so I don’t have restrictions on how to raise my seed. Forever in love-I support whatever decision you’ve made or will make.

Love,
Jay Are